It’s no secret that all of the best comics have catchphrases. It’s what separates the men from the boys. Larry the Cable Guy, for example. His signature catchphrase is “Git R Done.” And that phrase has captivated millions. Even though no one knows what “R” means. Dane Cook, another example. Who can forget his catchphrase? The one where he starts yelling and running around in circles sweating and looking like a guy who’s four beers away from a hate crime. Hilarious! And I think very few can argue that Larry the Cable Guy and Dane Cook are the two best comics
performing today of all time.
I’m no different. I spend every second of every day scratching and clawing my way to the top, trying to become one of the best comics of my era. And that’s a feat I cannot accomplish without catchphrases. So yeah, I use them. Get over it. You will all recall my 2011 catchphrase, “Don’t Placate Me, Cunt.” That little doozy sold about a billion T-shirts, worked it’s way onto Starbucks venti cups for a two-month period and pretty much paid for my beach house on the Cape. Replete with sick-ass beer pong table! But 2012, well, I do believe I’ve outdone my self. Because as those of you who have been fortunate enough to catch one of my sets this year can attest, “Y’all Can Suck Y’Own Dick,” is sweeping the land.
Initially I presented my catchphrase as, “You can go ahead and suck your own dick,” or sometimes, “Girl, you can go ahead and suck your own dick,” which is just so delightfully confusing gender-wise. But it seems the people have spoken and they prefer the more stripped-down, urban, “Y’all can suck your own dick,” version of my catchphrase. And who am I to argue with the people? Check this shit out:
Yup. That’s some straight-up bathroom wall graffiti shit right there. Seems my delightful little catchphrase managed to work it’s way to the rest room wall of a little Denver bar/restaurant called City O’City. And just in case you think I wrote it, this is from the girl’s room! Boo-yah! That means some young woman – no doubt a comedy sophisticate with infallible taste – saw me share my catchphrase, internalized it, and then gifted it back to the world some time later in the form of bathroom scrawling. In other words, I’ve made it. I’ll continue to spout my catchphrase from time to time, because the goal of such things is to share them, but as far as I’m concerned, my work here is done. We came. We saw. We sucked our own dick. And the people seemed to be into it. One girl anyway. In one bathroom. In one city. And really that’s more than we ever expected. So thanks for placating me. Cunt. Yeah. That’s a callback. I told you I took this comedy shit serious.