It’s no secret that all of the best comics have catchphrases. It’s what separates the men from the boys. Larry the Cable Guy, for example. His signature catchphrase is “Git R Done.” And that phrase has captivated millions. Even though no one knows what “R” means. Dane Cook, another example. Who can forget his catchphrase? The one where he starts yelling and running around in circles sweating and looking like a guy who’s four beers away from a hate crime. Hilarious! And I think very few can argue that Larry the Cable Guy and Dane Cook are the two best comics performing today of all time.
Yeah, nice try. Where's your catchphrase?
I’m no different. I spend every second of every day scratching and clawing my way to the top, trying to become one of the best comics of my era. And that’s a feat I cannot accomplish without catchphrases. So yeah, I use them. Get over it. You will all recall my 2011 catchphrase, “Don’t Placate Me, Cunt.” That little doozy sold about a billion T-shirts, worked it’s way onto Starbucks venti cups for a two-month period and pretty much paid for my beach house on the Cape. Replete with sick-ass beer pong table! But 2012, well, I do believe I’ve outdone my self. Because as those of you who have been fortunate enough to catch one of my sets this year can attest, “Y’all Can Suck Y’Own Dick,” is sweeping the land.
Initially I presented my catchphrase as, “You can go ahead and suck your own dick,” or sometimes, “Girl, you can go ahead and suck your own dick,” which is just so delightfully confusing gender-wise. But it seems the people have spoken and they prefer the more stripped-down, urban, “Y’all can suck your own dick,” version of my catchphrase. And who am I to argue with the people? Check this shit out:
Thanks to Abbey Jordan for spotting this!
Yup. That’s some straight-up bathroom wall graffiti shit right there. Seems my delightful little catchphrase managed to work it’s way to the rest room wall of a little Denver bar/restaurant called City O’City. And just in case you think I wrote it, this is from the girl’s room! Boo-yah! That means some young woman – no doubt a comedy sophisticate with infallible taste – saw me share my catchphrase, internalized it, and then gifted it back to the world some time later in the form of bathroom scrawling. In other words, I’ve made it. I’ll continue to spout my catchphrase from time to time, because the goal of such things is to share them, but as far as I’m concerned, my work here is done. We came. We saw. We sucked our own dick. And the people seemed to be into it. One girl anyway. In one bathroom. In one city. And really that’s more than we ever expected. So thanks for placating me. Cunt. Yeah. That’s a callback. I told you I took this comedy shit serious.
Is that the men’s room? It doesn’t look familiar. They have some decent graffiti at that place with the worst service on earth. I offered to write about a friend’s penis in the ladies’ to get the conversation started, but he declined. He thought it would reek of a set-up, but I am not so sure.
I’m told it’s the women’s room. I’m told. Not like I would ever wander in there and check it out for myself. That just wouldn’t be proper. I would never do something like that. Never.
Catch Phrases, you don’t need them, it’s really a want. You’d be just as great without them. I have no dough that you are one of the best. And you continue to grow.
I loved your first catchphrase, thought it was literally hilarious. I believe the first time I heard that line, was at Comedy Works. I can still see it. And I love your new one. I agree that the new “urban” version is better. And someone writing your catchphrase on the bathroom wall, milestone.
I can’t imagine some Cunt try to placate you. The joke would be on her. Why would anyone want to, you’re so sexy? I remember at one time you having another catchphrase “Your trash, so act like it.” Was that one of your catchphrases?
Thanks for the kind words, Janet. Truth be told though I’m pretty much mocking catchphrases. I find them so fucking annoying in comedy that I’m trying to fuck around with how stupid they can be. Such as sucking your own dick. That said, it elates me that anyone enjoys them on any level, genuine or ironic. Much like the girl who done scrawled this on a bathroom wall. So that said, thanks again for the comment, keep on keeping on, git r done, su-fi, and finally, don’t placate me. Homegirl.
I thought Janet Harvey was playing along until the last paragraph. I personally do not like catchphrases either. There are of course a few exceptions. A skeleton puppet wearing a turban, a talking pepper mounted on a stick, and a dumb-looking purple thing with a dumb little poof of hair on its head. Come to think of it, I think all of that fuck’s stupid little puppets have AT LEAST one catchphrase. Ugh, what a horrible person he is! Trying to brainstorm comedian catchphrases now.. the only one that comes to mind that isn’t awful is Rodney Dangerfield. I think that’s probably because he would say it before or after a series of jokes that were actually about the fact that he had problems in the respect-receiving department.