Like many navel-gazing, self-mythologizing assholes I suppose I can trace a lot of my humor to The Simpsons. I watched that show religiously growing up and by the time I started creating things on my own and sharing them with a larger audience via my high-school newspaper (news editor junior year, editor-in-chief senior year, bitches) The Simpsons served as the motivating inspiration for any great creative session. Before we could ever set pen to paper or, more accurately, pubescent fingertips to keyboard, myself and a few other writers would first need to sit in a corner and compulsively break down the two episodes of The Simpsons that had re-ran the previous evening. We’d go over every joke, every scene, what we liked, what we loved, and when we were finished we would go off to the back room and work on a humorous article or top ten list, dutifully fighting our way through the inevitable gaggle of newspaper groupies that had assembled and were now hysterically trying to fuck us, drawn to our sallow skin, acne and general lack of confidence.
For there was no time for them. We had work to do. We were newspapermen.
Tastes amongst us began to emerge and it became clear that I was most fond of the episodes written by Conan O’Brien, by then the quirky host of Late Night. I didn’t watch his show much during its initial foray into after-hours television – was always more of a Letterman guy and generally went to sleep after the Top Ten lists (again, had to get up early and write the newspaper at school/fight off groupie bitches) but after I realized he was the scribe of so many of my favorite episodes – Marge vs. The Monorail, Homer Goes to College – I started watching his show almost every evening. And I fucking loved it. Here in the flesh was the tall ginger man who had written so many of the great moments that made me lose my proverbial shit. And he was just as funny in person as he was on the page. I was a huge fan of Conan O’Brien. And these many years later, I still am. Which is why I’m so honored and elated to be making my late-night television debut on his TBS show, Conan.
I’ll be doing five minutes of stand-up to end the show on Tuesday, January 29th and I could not be more excited.
I’m excited to be appearing on a show that has become a badge of honor amongst my peers. I’m excited to have a great TV credit. But mostly, I’m just excited to meet Conan. And I can’t wait to stand next to him on television and look really, really short and shake his hand and smile and think back upon those days in newspaper creating, and then think about how far I’ve come. How I’m now standing next to one of my idols. I hope the experience leads to many great new opportunities for me. Because that way, when I look back on that fateful day, I will be able to come to the same conclusion Homer came to in the final line of his college admissions essay:
It was the most I ever threw up, and it changed my life forever.